It's okay if you don't always like being a mom.

I'm constantly surrounded by people telling me "you'll miss this someday", and "enjoy it while you can". So when I speak up and say, I'm counting down the hours until bedtime, I sound ungrateful that I get to be home with my child. When I say I can't take it anymore, I sound like an awful mother. But I've got a toddler who missed her nap, toys to pick up, milk to refill, crumbs to vacuum, dinner to make, and my sanity to find. It's 3pm and my kid is screaming bloody murder and I've still got at least 5 hours until bedtime. I'm running solely on adrenaline and caffeine, and it's been over 12 hours since my last real meal. So excuse me if right now I'm not "enjoying" motherhood. And I'm sorry, but I find it hard to believe I'll ever miss the high pitched scream coming out of my daughters mouth, and her throwing herself on the ground in a fit of rage. I'm not ungrateful, I'm human. And I'm not a bad mother because I don't like my child all the time, all that matters is that I love her all the time. Would you like someone who never let you eat, sit down, finish a sentence, or sleep? No.

Motherhood is anything but glorious. I spent the first year of my daughters life covered in vomit and other bodily fluids. And then I've spent the second year of her life watching her freak out because WHO THE HELL KNOWS?! I can't even tell you any current events going on. If Doc isn't fixing it, Cedric isn't plotting it, and the Bubble Guppies aren't singing about it, I have no idea what you're speaking about. I can recite every line in Frozen, and I know more about Arrendele than I do about the United States. I spend my whole day questioning the validity of Doc McStuffins' degree, and thinking that the little stuffed lamb is a little bit of a hussy. I probably have poop under my fingernail, and I couldn't tell you the last time I washed my hair. My wardrobe consists of leggings and big t-shirts. My child is just going to spill milk on me later anyway, or I'm going to use my shirt to wipe a runny nose, so what's the point of wearing anything else? I never have any "me" time, and a hot meal is a delicacy. I can't enjoy every single second of motherhood because I'm too busy putting ice in a sippy cup for the 85th time today, and I really have to pee.

I'm not a horrible mother, but I've found it's normal to want to punch your kid in the face sometimes. You don't actually do it, but you think to yourself that you'd like too. I've learned it's normal to go hide in the bathroom and pretend to be pooping, just so you can have 10 minutes of silence. I'm also guilty of going into a separate room to eat, just so I don't have to share. I rarely go longer than a day without asking myself why I thought having a kid was a good idea. On the hard days, I have to be honest -- with myself, and with others. And I shouldn't be criticized for being human. I love my child. She is the best thing to ever happen to me. But sometimes she's like a tiny tornado, wreaking havoc on my day, and destroying my sanity one minute at a time. Sometimes, I really just want to hang a sign on my head that says, "stepped out to 'anywhere but here', will return after bedtime".

So, in these moments, instead of telling me that I'll miss this someday, tell me that I'm doing great, because that's what I really need to hear. And I know how quickly kids grow because the last 2 years have flown by, but I don't need to be reminded of that, I need you to tell me it's okay. Motherhood is lonely, and telling me to "enjoy every second" makes me feel like I'm the only mother who's ever wanted their kid to just go away. I am grateful, and I know how lucky I am. But only in books and movies do fairy tales exist. In real life, not everyday is easy. And just like with almost everything else in life, sometimes being a mom is stressful, and sometimes I really don't enjoy it. But a bad day, doesn't make me a bad mom. I don't always have to like being a mom to love my child. I love my daughter indefinitely. I'm no stranger to the overwhelming joy that motherhood can bring, but I'm also aware of the alienating feelings it can cause. It's normal to both love and hate being a mom. So stop telling me to "enjoy every minute", because although I'm not enjoying this very minute, it doesn't mean I'm not enjoying being a mother.