Yes, my thighs touch.

It's been so long since I've worn shorts in public, that I literally can't even remember the last time it happened. Even in 90 and 100 degree weather, I'd be wearing pants of some sort. Okay, leggings, I'd be wearing leggings. But still, never shorts, no matter what. I have cellulite, stretch marks, and my thighs touch. I didn't even want to look at myself, so I did the world a favor and spared them the agony by covering up. Sure, I'd be drenched in sweat and miserable, but no one was going blind by looking at my exposed legs. The way I saw it, people should have been thanking me.

Fast forward to now... I'm 5'9", and about 200 pounds. I still have cellulite, stretch marks, and yes my thighs still touch. But today, I wore shorts out in public. Not only did I leave my house, I went to an amusement park, where there was hundreds of people. Ready for the icing on the cake? I also walked around in my bathing suit. *gasp* I realized recently that I was covering myself up for all the wrong reasons. It wasn't because that's truly what made me happy, it was because I didn't want anyone judging me. I was so worried about what everyone else thought, that I never asked myself what I thought. Yeah, sure, sometimes I look in the mirror and hate what I see. But when I dig deeper, I really do love myself. Why should I have to cover up just because I don't look like a model? There's nothing wrong with me. I am unique and beautiful, just like everyone else. And when I leave my house, I'm not leaving my house to get noticed. I don't wake up, get dressed and say "what would the people in my hometown like me to wear?" No, I get up, find something clean (usually), get dressed, and then go about my day.

What makes my train of thought so different now versus a few years ago is my daughter. When she looks at me, all she sees is mommy. She doesn't see that my roots are grown in, I'm not wearing makeup, or that my thighs touch. She doesn't care what my clothes look like, or if I'm even matching that day. All she knows is that mommy gets dressed and takes her to the playground, or the store. When she looks at me, she knows I don't say no to a quick swim, or a walk around the block, or a ride down the slide. When she looks at me she knows that no matter what, I'll be involved for however long she wants me to be. And someday, she'll have hundreds of pictures to look back on, and I'll be in most of them. And hopefully when she's older, and struggling with her own self image, she'll remember that mommy embraced herself, and lived her life without worrying about the judgement of others.

When did it become acceptable to allow people to dictate to us how we should look? No person is the same, which means no body type is the same. You are the first and last version of yourself. Never again will there ever be anyone else like you. You were made to be a masterpiece, a first edition. You are perfectly imperfect. You are flawed, and beautiful. You have a thigh gap, or you don't. You have abs, or you don't. It doesn't matter, because you are YOU, and you is wonderful.

Every person should embrace their body, their personality, their life. You should never be afraid to wear the clothes you like. You should always do the things that make you happy, say the things that make you happy, and wear the things that make you happy. You only get one life, you need to live it. Don't hide behind fear because you read somewhere that how you look is "ugly". You're not ugly, you're you. 

Yes, my thighs touch, and yes, I'm happy.

A letter to my daughter on Mother's Day.

Mother's Day is a day to celebrate all the mom's in the world. Mother's are given a day to be recognized for all they do day in and day out. Although they should be celebrated everyday, there is one specific day every year for just that, so why not bask in the glory of breakfast in bed, pampering, and a nice dinner not cooked by you? This is my 3rd Mother's Day. I haven't actually ever celebrated because my daughter is still young, and frankly I just don't see the point. But this year I decided to sit down and embrace the glory of being a mother. I wanted to celebrate the reason I even have the title of "mom". This Mother's Day, I salute my daughter.

Without you, my darling girl, I wouldn't know what it feels like to miss sleep. Without you, I wouldn't have boo-boo's to kiss, meals to cook, and messes to clean. Without you, there would be no toys to pick up, clothes to wash, or drinks to refill. Without you, I wouldn't know the feeling of complete exhaustion. Because of you, I have a reason to get up out of bed every morning, even when I don't want too. Because of you, I am able to push through every bad day, and bad mood. Because of you, even when the sky is gray, I have a little piece of sunshine with me. My days aren't quiet, my meals aren't warm, and my showers aren't long, but my heart is full, my soul is nourished, and my life is complete. Before you I didn't know what it meant to love someone so much that it actually hurt. Before you, I had no idea what I was missing in my life. You have given me happiness, strength, and patience; all things that I lacked before you. On Mother's Day I am supposed to celebrate myself, but instead all I want to do is celebrate you. Mother's Day would be just another day if I didn't have you. I made you, but you made me a mother. You've given me the greatest title in the world, and I am lucky to have it. Not every day is easy, and sometimes I want to give up, but you are always there to remind me I'm doing okay. You are always there to take my head out of the clouds, and plant my feet back on the ground. You give me the determination I need to never give up. You give me endless reasons to appreciate life, and to love with all that I have. Because of you, my bad days aren't so bad, and my good days are far beyond just good. You have taught me to love myself for exactly who I am, because who I am is just fine. You have shown me that I am capable of giving love. But most importantly, you have shown me that I am able to be loved.

This Mother's Day I am grateful not just to be a mother, but to be your mother. Thank you for trusting me with your precious life. Thank you for teaching me the real meaning of life, love, and happiness. Thank you for allowing me the freedom to be me. Thank you for being you. I promise to always be there when you call, and I promise to always love you through it all. Happy Mother's Day to my reason to celebrate such a special day. My love for you is fierce, baby girl.

Transformation Tuesday.

Tuesday's on social media are all about #transformationtuesday. I've participated a few times showing how different I looked 4 years ago, compared to now. I've done side by sides of how much Lily has grown in such a short time. I've even done one with me and my brother. It's fun to see how much can change in just a few short months, and years. Like 3 years ago, I had black hair, wore too much makeup, and was 20 pounds heavier. I was also incredibly miserable. I was the farthest thing from happy, and I rarely ever left my bed. Now, my hair is my natural blonde, I rarely wear makeup, and I'm happy. Transformation Tuesday doesn't always have to be about image. Sometimes the biggest changes happen within. Sometimes the biggest changes are felt, not seen.

3 years ago I was living in a nightmare. A nightmare that would eventually turn into the best thing to ever happen to me. But at the time, all I could see and feel was pain. I had no idea it was going to get even worse. And when it did, I thought there was no way things could ever get better. I was at rock bottom, and the only way to go from there was up, except "up" didn't even feel like an option. I was literally living in my own personal hell, and all I wanted to do was escape it. No matter the cost.

Now, 3 years later, I am the happiest I've ever been. I wake up everyday with a smile. I appreciate the little things. And even on a not so good day, I am thankful to be alive. My nightmare became my dream come true. It became my strength, my hope, and my happiness. I am no longer stuck in the darkness of despair. My transformation Tuesday is not just my physical appearance. It is also my soul, and the very essence of who I am. I feel like I am finally free of the hurt, and the pain. I am a new person, with a new outlook, and new goals. Everyday has a purpose it never had before. Everyday is a new chance to live, and breathe, and love.

My emotional transformation is the most important of all, because it is me, finally happy, and finally living.