Co-parenting, with a twist.

When I was growing up, my father wasn't really around. I don't have daddy issues over it though, because I never liked my father to begin with. I didn't lose anything by him not being in my life. My mom is the greatest lady alive, and she's given me everything I could ever dream of. However, I used to always say I didn't want children until I was in a stable, loving relationship. I wanted the white picket fence, the doting husband, a big yard for our dog to play in. I didn't want to raise a child without a father. I think it was more because I saw how much my mother struggled. My brother and I were never affected by my fathers absence, but my mom gave up her entire life for us. I didn't want that for my family. Oh how young and naive I was. Obviously life had other plans for me, and for my daughter. No doting husband, no white picket fence, no dog. I did however get the big backyard (thanks mom!). But now I'm living a life I never imagined.

Co-parenting. *cue horror movie music*

For the rest of my life I have to participate in the act of "co-parenting". I could sit here and argue that we don't actually co-parent. That I am the main caregiver. That I am the one who takes care of Lily, and all her needs. I lose sleep, kiss boo-boo's, clean messes, cuddle, wipe boogies, cook 8 different meals until she eats one, etc. But for 6 hours a month, I co-parent. Outside of that time, my daughter's father and I don't communicate. We aren't friends. In fact, one might say he hates me. They'd probably be right. Now, don't let me fool you into thinking the feeling isn't mutual. It partially is. Hate is a really strong word, and it's one I don't use. BUT, I am not his biggest fan. Not in the slightest. So what's it like to co-parent with someone who hates you? Dreadful. What's it like to co-parent with someone you aren't fond of? Awful. Think of the thing you hate the most in the world. I don't care if it's a vegetable, tv show, or person. It just has to be what you hate most. Now imagine you have to deal with that person/place/thing for the rest of your life. It's like a horror movie, with no ending. Now let's add the twist to it... You have to pretend you don't hate that person/place/thing. WHAT? WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT? That, my friends, is co-parenting.

I've searched far and wide for survival tips. They have self defense classes, swimming lessons, yoga, karate, pepper spray, guns, but nothing on how to survive co-parenting. Doesn't anyone take the danger in it seriously? Why isn't there a magical wand I can wave when shit hits the fan that causes Lily's father to be plagued with diarrhea or something. No one ever warned me how hard it would be. There was no class I could take, no book I could read. Some days it's so hard, I fear I won't survive it. But then I realized, so many people before me have done it and lived through it. Thousands and thousands of people do it every single day. How do they all survive it? How do I survive it? I have your answer. Here's my 5 steps to surviving co-parenting:

1) Ear plugs. They don't have to literally be ear plugs either. For me, I start singing, in my head. The only thing I can hear is the sweet, sweet sound of my angelic voice. Oh I'm sorry, what did you say? I didn't hear you because your voice is like nails on a chalkboard and I've blocked you out.

2) The internet. When it doubt, google something funny. Or you could google something horrible and sing praises that your life isn't that bad. Whatever your poison is, I won't judge. I know what you're living through.

3) Lots of your favorite food. For some it's chocolate, for me, it's cereal. Cereal is my guilty pleasure. Give me all the Lucky Charms, and sugar filled milk, and let me drown in my sorrows. I'll regret the extra 10 pounds later, but for now, my only regret is that no one has invented time travel yet.

4) Trashy tv. Because what else are you supposed to do while stuffing your face with calories and regret?

5) Alcohol. Remember in college when you got drunk and kissed that kid you didn't actually like? Yeah, well now you've had a child with that kid, and you have to raise that child, TOGETHER. Go ahead and chug that wine sister.

There you have it. My survival guide. It's half assed like most of my decisions in life, but it's worked for me. And at the end of the day, before you pass out from too much junk food and wine, remember that things aren't that bad, because you did get a beautiful child from it all.